yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
