literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize