I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
