i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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