Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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