Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and she was petting her beer can
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
