Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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