bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
