She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
