Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize