i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I have post one night stand depression
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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