I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
