ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
