Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
