just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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