Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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