dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize