Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
They took my balls.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
