it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
