Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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