Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Randomize
