Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The Olympian is in my bed
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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