It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
