Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
