hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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