Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
