Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
