I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
