So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
