you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
