a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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