I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
