Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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