This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
