It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
