And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i don't like sucking hair
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
