This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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