Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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