Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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