Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
