You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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