Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
