Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
