im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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