in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
