Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
