I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
