I think my vagina is haunted
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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