Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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