you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
