So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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