that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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