I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
