I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
