Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
