dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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