Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
