I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
