What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
