They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
