Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
