If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
