I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
