you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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