I want to make a zoo with you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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