I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize