Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize