ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
