its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
