i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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