I just threw up on my dentist
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
